Vonnegut

All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I've said before, bugs in amber.

I haven't written in awhile and this isn't the typical post of what we've been doing but I wanted to share this quote by one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut. It just reminds me that this moment is life, this day is life and these seconds are life. Let's enjoy.

SURPRISE

We're blissfully, happily engaged!!! I would tell you more but I'm playing scrabble with my fiance:) Go to http://web.me.com/audioscott/Operation:_YES/Field_Manual.html to join in on our day.....or Scott's months of planning. It's however you want to look at it. It was the most magical, wonderful day in my life next to the day I had my baby. Like I said, it's blissful here and we are thrilled beyond belief. Wedding plans are in action!!!

Spring Update

Well, to run through a lengthy update as quickly as possible is nearly IMPOSSIBLE so I will try my best to remember everything and keep it short. This past month and a half have been wonderful. I made a trip to Indiana with Brooklyn and a friend. I got to spend some wonderful time with my mom, went shopping, made it to see my BF in Odon and Brooklyn got to see her grandparents. It was quite nice. Shortly after coming home my mom and bother, Toby, made a trip down so we got even more great time in. Last weekend they came down again and it was the best weekend ever. Mom, Toby, Brooklyn and I all went to Memphis to see Graceland. I have always wanted to go so it was so nice to experience it with my little girl. The rest of the weekend Scott was off so we got in a lot of hangout time which consisted of dinners, shopping, porch sitting and conversation. Scott, Toby and I even got to go out two nights and hang out with some friends. Scott and I don't get to do that a lot so it was very nice. Having Toby along was an added bonus. We actually watched an all girl Rage Against the Machine cover band that was AMAZING.
It was a little stressful and still is a bit however, because my mom has been sick. She was in some pain while she was down and it's hard to watch your mother hurting. Right now we are just waiting for some test results and hoping the doctors can help her feel better. I will keep you posted. I got a new MacBook last week! I'm enjoying it so much and because I now have a new one, my old one will go to Brooklyn. Six years old with her first laptop!!! I was 20 when I got my first computer!
Work has been a little stressful as well as this is a very busy time for me. Hopefully, after next week it will slow down.
Brooklyn is doing wonderfully. She just lost her very first top tooth. This makes number 4, I think, however she informed us all that this was a much bigger deal because top teeth are more difficult to lose than bottom teeth! Ha. She actually lost that tooth the day before picture day so I can't wait to see how it turns out. She told me she smiled REALLY BIG! I bet it's wonderful. I'm glad we will have it captured in the school pic! Tomorrow Brooklyn has her first dentist appt since some of her adult teeth have come in. I'm anxious to hear the dentist opinion on how well she is taking care of them.
Scott has been working a lot lately so we haven't been able to spend too much time together besides when my family was here. I actually had a few days where I stayed up late or slept on the couch until he got home so I could see him. I guess we were made for this life. It hasn't really ever bothered me. I miss him during times like these but I can't help but feel blessed that he is working, doing a job he LOVES and that he has work. Also, the times like these make the days he is home so wonderful. I definitely think we don't take our time together as a family for granted. That's a blessing for sure!
This weekend should be great. B is off of school tomorrow and Scott and I are home from work. Besides the dentist, we are going to lounge and hang out. Tonight however, we are kicking the easter weekend off with a bang. CIRQUE DU SOLEIL style! I can't wait. I have always wanted to go to a Cirque show. The show we are going to see is Saltimbanco and it features lots of acrobats and jugglers. I bought the tickets as stocking stuffers for Christmas so I am about to die with this wait! It's finally here! It should be amazing. I have no doubts.
Well, I hope you are all well. I will leave you with some pics!

Bliss

I can't begin to tell you about the bliss in my life. I can't even tell you without feeling guilty. Why, because I'm affected by misfortune and because I feel pain for ones I don't even know. But, today, I am choosing to let you in on a good story. I'm sharing a piece of happiness. I'm choosing to share because I talked to my friend Jennifer last night and she reminded me that I should never feel bad for feeling this happiness. She said I have went through the worst of times and that I should only feel blessed. So today, I am sharing my blessings. I am in love, hopelessly in love with a man who has taught me more about morals and truth and understanding than the world's history could ever teach me. He is my lover, my friend, my partner, my dream. I don't know where you all are in your relationships but I will say this: If you are in between, if you are questioning if this is what love is really like, you aren't where I am. I have been with Scott for almost 3 years now and I know that some of you have been through many more years and you might be sitting back saying, "Just wait, it won't always be this good" but I choose to say you that isn't true. My days get better each day. We have bad days but even our worst days are better than my best days I had before him. I choose to believe that we will continue to work as hard for each other as we do now. I know we will because we work harder today then we did before and we enjoy it. It's not 50/50 here, it's 100/100. We work, hard. We love, fully. We give, endlessly and we understand, completely. I know life changes and times get tough but I know I love this man so much that I will work hard to overcome whatever life hands us and I will love him fully. I will love him the way he deserves to be loved because, dangit, he's an awesome man.
I haven't been blogging much because life has just taken me away. We have enjoyed so much this month. It's hard to find the time to get on here to post. But I will say that Brooklyn is doing splendid. She pretty well aced her report card this month, is close to losing her third tooth, expecting another visit from her Granny and her Uncle Toby today and loving life. She is the joy of my mornings, noon and nights. She is far surpassing everything I knew at 6 and is doing it with such ease. Brooklyn has blossomed so much this month. It's almost like she has found another piece of herself. I love watching her grow into a little lady.
As for me, I'm working, getting things ready to start school soon. I can't wait to finish! I just want to be back in a hospital. I just purchased a new computer today. This household has 3 mac's and yes, Brooklyn is a mac owner at 6 years old. I was 20 when I got my first computer! I'm enjoying my family so much. Scott's brother just moved to Lexington so we're already planning a day trip to see him. I just booked our Disney vacation and we're hoping to get to Ohio soon to see the other half of our family (Scott's side- the Velazco's) I sure miss them and really want to see how Grandpa Graham is doing. I really love life and all it has to offer. I hope you are all feeling the same.

Pics

Here are a few pics from the last week. I will have to blog about this week in another post but I will go ahead and say it's has been the most wonderful week. I wanted to share our "BIG" snow, B's trip for a manicure and my little pancake flipper! We have been having a lot of fun around here!

God. Family. Love.

I've been hit by a stress bug. A big and aggravating stress bug. I wish with all of my might that I could take it and toss it into some far off abyss. I feel as if I've been fighting against myself. Yes, I want to be in a good mood, yes I want to be the care-free girl that laughs constantly and gives off the warmth of a thousand suns. Lately though, I feel much more like an ice princess. What's worse is that I can see my family through the eyes and with the heart of the girl who wants this. However, my stomach and my chest are taking cheap shots at them and in the end, my mind sits baffled at my own inability to balance myself.
After all the internal struggle it leads me to this thought. I want to love my family with God's love. I don't know your beliefs so when I say God take that as this: The greater power, the perfect lover or at the very least (if you don't believe in any of that) the utopian idea of it all. (I think that covers it) So isn't that how we are to love? Isn't it our goal to be better, closer to this than the day before? Or if you don't think it's our goal don't you think we should all strive to be this type of lover? Think about such a perfect love. A love that is never ending, never tiring. A love that is strong, pure, tested and true. Life giving love. I want to be a perfect lover to my family. I want to be the strength when they are weak. I want to be the joy when they are down, the arms when the need comfort. I try so hard to be this type of lover. So, when I fail, when I feel weak, when I feel broken and battered, when I feel like I could have done better, like I should be in time out for my attitude, I sit and I listen to things like this. I am reminded that although my goal may be perfection, I am still on a journey there. I am still a girl that at times feels weak, that feels joyless, that needs comforting. I can hear something like this and know that I still have to find my strength in something bigger. I can't be in control of everything, everyone. I am reminded that that is okay.

Pics

The following are from both Valentine's Day and our Mommy Daughter date. On Valentine's B's present to us was a giant bed in the middle of the living room with the couch cushions as I am sure you can see in some of the pics! She said we could all watch a movie in the living room on our giant bed! Ha ha! Enjoy

And we're back.

The last month has been awful for our Internet connections! It seems like the company is trying to fix the problem but it has turned out to be larger than they expected and as a result, I have been able to get on the Internet in 5 min increments, once a day. Hopefully this works once I finish and try to post!
February has been wonderful. Valentines was a special day for all as Scott got B and I giant cupcakes from a gourmet cupcake shop in town. MMmmm, were they good!! I don't even like frosting but the 5 feet of frosting these had must be what clouds in heaven taste like. On top of that glorious treat, Brooklyn got a new outfit, book, stationary, mini strawberry plant, art scissors and who knows what else. :) Scott walked away with some new books, flip flops, movie, candy and is still waiting on his ear buds. They were back ordered:( I had a blissful day of gifts. Scott made a valentines play list for me that was combined with a journal he made listing all the songs and their words....and pictures! I got new cookie sheets and lots of other little goodies. We all went to dinner at Olive Garden which I love. I haven't been in over 2 years because Nashville doesn't have any and you have to travel to one of it's suburbs to get to one. I was so happy to be having salad and bread sticks that I filled up and had barely any of my dinner. It was a great Vday.
Last weekend I had to do some shopping so B and I hit the mall on Friday. I let her go to Build a Bear and use her gift card and coupon. B really wanted a new bear and was about 6 dollars short on a Bear and outfit so I said I would cover the rest. She was SO thankful. My eyes teared up when she said "Momma, thank you so much." It was so heartfelt and nice to hear. After that we hit up a couple of stores so I could get some jeans and bras. Thank GOODNESS! I was in need.
Sat B and I had a lunch and movie date. Subway and Hotel for Dogs. It was nice to have a Mommy/Daughter weekend. Scott had to work all weekend but we made the most of it!
This year Scott and I are trying to give each other a night out with friends a week. It's been so nice for each of us. I don't leave B with just anyone, anytime so it's hard for us to get out together. However, we still need interaction with our friends. Scott has been having poker night with his friends each week and I have been doing dinner and movies or drinks with a friend. I think it's been refreshing for us.
Today I went to the doctor and had enough blood drawn to start a blood bank. They are checking every level you can think of, hormone, thyroid, sugar, everything. I am hoping to find out the results by Friday. Looking back it seems my hormones have been out of whack since I had B and I am finally trying to get to the bottom of it. Let's hope it's a simple fix!!!
Well, I hope you are all having a great week!
Pics soon!

Goodness

Well, I didn't get to update when I said but by now you all must understand that this is common. Anyway, let's begin the blog o' goodness. For starters, today has been wonderful. I woke up after 10 hours of sleep!!! Yes, 10! Seriously, am I in college again? Anyway, I woke up rested and immediately went to the kitchen to make my decaf coffee. As some of you know, I'm a big ole quitter. I was once a smoker, no more. A soda drinker, no more. A caffeine addict, no more. I could tell you some others but we will stop there. Just know I'm fine tuning. As a result of my hormones freaking out, I decided it would be best to try and naturally balance myself. Hormone replacement therapy isn't all that good on your body and definitely isn't a long term fix. So, I quit caffeine in my quest for balance. So far, so GOOD! I can't begin to tell you the world of difference I have seen. The stress, chronic worry, anxiety has almost been zapped and my face is clearing up quite well. I have felt a happiness in myself that I accepted belonged to childhood. I have felt joy! Belly laugh joy! It's been awesome to feel this kind of relief from my fearful, anxious mind.
Oh, think goodness, right?
On to the next. This week I made it into my dermatologist office for a look at a mole I have had forever. I won't get too graphic but I will say that although I though it as no big deal, my gynecologist felt otherwise. I have to admit that the black, oddly shaped and surfaced spot on my leg did not look right but I remember the day it showed up and I didn't feel it necessary to have looked at. Long story short, here I am in the derm's office explaining my "no big deal" mole while she's telling my she needs to cut it off and sent out for a biopsy. How in the world does the hypochondriac girl never have this looked at in 10 years? Who knows? How does she not freak out now? Who knows. Well, good news! The biopsy came back and I am A-OK. It was a blue nevus mole. It looks like a blue freckle now and is perfectly normal. Whew!
Moving on again. I have been trying to finish school for what seems to be forever now. I have been through the ups and downs of financial aid and can tell you that it has, at times, crushed me to not be able to get back in there and finish my degree. Well, I have started getting my financial aid info back and so far, I already have a grant that covers half of my schooling! Hooray! Hallelujah. Woo Hoo.I am so excited to finally be planning my class schedules and can't wait to see if I get more. Considering that was a state grant, I am hopeful that I will be getting federal grants to cover the rest. Free!? The way education should be.
Last on the blessing bandwagon is our taxes. Since Scott is technically "self employed" as a recording engineer, paying taxes in an understatement. This past year we have been abundantly blessed with the amount of work he has had but that struck fear once tax season approached since we hadn't done proper planning for this day. I am happy to say, I think we are going to be alright! :)
So, THINK GOODNESS. It's been so peaceful to be thinking so positively this week. Blessings all around.
To update you on our days, Scott and I went shopping at Trader Joe's Friday. We browsed with a sweet tooth craving forever and came home with animal crackers and strawberry licorice. I'd say we fought temptation pretty well. Brooklyn had a friend over last night. Today I made pancakes for B and Scott before Scott had to head to work. Brooklyn and I headed to Target so I could pick up a few things. Before we left B took a bath and when I went in to was her hair she exclaimed "Wow Mom, you're beautiful! You look prettier than Belle!" Talk about feeling good!!!! Belle is B's favorite princess so I felt awesome! While at Target B got some new paint markers and I got a quesadilla maker. Yea! The weather has been wonderful so B and I sat on the porch. I read my book while Brooklyn painted with her markers. It's been a great day.
I also have to send a VERY, VERY special congratulations out to my friend Sarah on her pregnancy. I am so thrilled for her and her family. I know they are too.

Pic post

I hope to update you all tomorrow as I am pretty busy tonight! I did want to get on here and share some of my favorite pics this week. Sunday morning Brooklyn woke up and made me a special sign! It was so cute. Later on she made another I love you Mom sign but added her traced hands and feet. She put hearts in the center of them and turned them into ballons! So stinking wonderful. Scott and I have been talking about the joys of parenting and it's struggles this week. Well, Brooklyn had a "connected to the hip" Scott day right after that. Instant parenting gratification!!! It was super sweet and I know it made him feel really great. I love the picture of them listening to music on the computer, reading a book, side by side with B's bear.
Last, since she looks so cute here.....It's June! Sweet little thing. Hope you are all having a wonderful week.

Rant

Wow! What a week. I was glued to my television set on Tuesday. What an amazing day in history to watch. There was a line to a song Will.I.am sang at the Neighborhood Ball that night and it said "And Martin wasn't dreaming for nothing". I was laying on the couch with Brooklyn in my lap and tears just flowing. Like I said, what a day in history to watch.
Scott was off yesterday and we were going to grab sushi together but he got called in to the studio to help with a problem another studio was having. This is the same thing that happened on Thursday. Thankfully they were pretty enjoyable days for him
Brooklyn had a friend over last night and the girls spent the majority of the times playing with B's Ponyville land. After dinner I made the girls popcorn and let them watch an episode of Punky Brewster. Man, I still love that show!
I've been doing timed math tests with Brooklyn during homework time this week. Usually we do 1 page of homework, write out sight words and then do a sight words test. I decided to include the timed tests as she gets tested twice a week on them and I thought she could use the help. Wednesday night I gave her a test on her 6's. In five minutes she got them all done except 3. On Thursday I gave her the exact same test but she had had cookies at school about 6 hours earlier because of someone's birthday. This time she didn't even get half of the problems done in the same amount of time and even missed a few she did finish! The next day her teacher gave her the same tests and not only did she finish in time but she got them all right. Things like that make me wonder how many kids are on medicine for ADHD or ADD only the real problem is sugar. It makes me want to go to the schools and discuss with the board about getting sugar out of the schools. I am baffled by this issue. I am also baffled by how many times children are rewarded with candy at school. I have brought in sugar free candies each year but even with that, aren't we doing a disservice to our children by teaching them that eating junk food is a reward?
Okay, off my soapbox. This weekend we are all home so we will be enjoying that. I have a WW meeting this morning and then we will be enjoying the day out together! Hope you all have a great Sat.

It's not a snow day, it's a cold day!

This week Brooklyn and I have been having a lot of fun around the house although we haven't done a whole lot. We all love playing Cadoo so that has been a nightly event. Besides that it's really just been the usual house cleaning, cooking, homework, reading Junie B. Jones books and the other little day to day things. Brooklyn doesn't watch tv during the week so she's usually playing on her leapster, coloring, painting or keeping herself occupied while I am getting dinner ready. My normal daily background music is Dylan. I don't know how many albums are on the IPOD but there are enough to keep me listening all night. I've noticed Brooklyn singing along while playing doing other things and the other night Scott heard her too. I am sure my mom felt the same way I did when she would hear me singing along to Patsy Cline. It's just sweet. Well, on top of singing, Brooklyn has taken to dancing to Bob as well. While cleaning B decided to take to the kitchen and play in the sink. She actually "prepared dinner" and decorated the table for us. Here are some pics I took this week.

This weekend should be a little busy. Brooklyn's school got cancelled because it's cold. (All of those in Indiana and Ohio still going to school in temperatures with a negative sign in front, I'm sorry). Monday is MLK day which mean B and I both have the day off making it a four day weekend! Scott has Sat. and Sun. off which one day we will be taking B to Grimey's record store. She has a gift card from Ben and Katie we have been waiting to use and now is the perfect time. B got an ipod over Christmas so she'll be able to put her purchases on there too.
Along with that card, Scott's mom also got her a giftcard to Target. I heard they have toys half off so I plan on dropping by to let her pick out some more stuff.
Earlier this week Brooklyn fell off some equipment on the playground and came home very sore. She hit her back which knocked the wind out of her. I gave her some tylenol and monitored her but didn't take her to the Dr. Today she is still complaining when she bends over or turns a certain way so I plan on getting her checked out.
Sunday is of course, football Sunday. Sadly both our teams are out but it's still exciting to see the last games of the season and prep for the Superbowl.
The rest of the weekend will be the usual house things, errands and things. After the extra long weekend it's the PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION! So excited.
Happy Friday all!

Mid week frenzy.

Well, things here are busy. I have been trying to get all of my financial information together so that I can fill out my student federal aid and hopefully get my money to finish school! I can't wait to be back in school. I love learning and I really do want to get that degree so I can be working in the science field. Cross your fingers!
Brooklyn got her report card Monday and I was so PROUD. Honor Roll again! I love that she is working so hard in school. She was very proud of herself which made me so happy. She has hit almost every benchmark to go to second grade and it's only mid semester. Learning is something Brooklyn seems to really love too.
Scott has been working a lot lately but has been getting home at a decent hour so I get to see him. Brooklyn has been asleep most of the time so she has really been missing him. Everyday she asks when he will be home, if he's already home or if she will be awake when he gets home. Monday she was pretty bummed he couldn't see her report card so today she has been making up for it. Those two have been connected at the hip all evening. Here are some pics of them selling lemonade on their online lemonade stand!

Grab a chair, it's been awhile.

Happy New Year All! I hope everyone had fantastic holidays! We most certainly did. This was the first year that we have stayed in Nashville on Christmas morning so it was extra wonderful. Brooklyn is 6 now and I want to create those memories of holidays at home!Our Christmas with my mom really was the best yet. I have grown up having Christmas with her so it was fun to have her here to have Christmas with us. I enjoyed her visit so much as we got in lots of girl time. Brooklyn really made out as she brought a santa's sack full of toys for her. Christmas morning Brooklyn ran in and of course woke us up with a "Merry Christmas!!!" I think it was 6 am. Brooklyn is an organized child about most things so she immediately ran to the tree and sorted everyone's presents into piles. I have to say I was so excited about everything Scott and Brooklyn were getting that I hadn't bothered to really guess what I might be getting. I was BLOWN away!! Brooklyn made me such wonderful gifts including a blue christmas bulb with her fingerprints in white which she painted into snowmen. Scott makes me an annual photo book which he has printed up as well as a DVD of the year's Scott and Brooklyn shows. I love these gifts! This year he also got me new pots and pans(YEA!!!!) and tickets to an adventure race for New Years Eve. Plus, Scott's mother got me my Kitchen Aid mixer! I have been wanting one for years. For me, this Christmas was filled with great memories and moments. Plus we've really been enjoying all the gifts. Brooklyn got some great new games that we have been playing about everyday! Cadoo is SO fun. Scott's mom sent us a box of other christmas candy, gifts and stuffed stockings which came late so it was like another day of Christmas! After all of this I thought Brooklyn might need to get rid of all her old toys to make room for the new ones but she still had Christmas at her other Grandparents! Whew. Scott and I met them halfway and B stayed in Indiana for a week after Christmas and came back with SO much more. She had a great week up there.
I always HATE when she is gone but I really tried to enjoy the time. Scott and I went to the movies a couple of times, went out to eat a lot, had a dinner date at home and really had a lot fun together. It was one of those weeks that really rejuvenated our relationship. We spent one afternoon running the dogs at the humane society....actually RUNNING. Those dogs love the moment you open the door, they shoot off like rockets and you better hold on tight! Sadly, I got sick on NYE and we couldn't do our race. Thankfully they are planning on doing another around St. Patrick's Day so we can transfer our tickets.
On Jan. 2 we went to Indiana to pick up B and go to a family reunion. My mom's side hasn't really gotten together since my grandma passed a couple of years ago so it was nice to see everyone. Plus, my aunt and uncle are heading back to Africa so it was good seeing them before they had to leave. They also brought two boys with them that will be going to college in Michigan thanks to some donations. Can you imagine the shock of growing up in Africa to go to the snow in Michigan by yourselves!?! Wow.
Well, this year I have been on a mission to really make great strides in all areas of my life that I have been working on. I don't ever make resolutions but this year I did. So as well as improving on what I am doing, I made a list of those. I always try to be a better me and this year I was to really dig into that. I also want to share that with you while keeping track of it all. So, you can go to www.whole-evolution.blogspot.com for my blog on all of that. I do hope it is something good for you as well! I have already been blessed because of my changes. Brooklyn told me yesterday that I was like a whole new mom. Talk about support! I hope to be that for all of you seeking improvements in your life.
Now to the pictures! Enjoy!