Monday, June 30, 2008

I'm slow.

I wish I had the desire to actually do things. I'm a dreamer and I spend my time doing a lot of things in my head and before you know it I've cleaned the house, wrote more in my book I want to publish, taken Brooklyn to the park, fixed an amazing dinner and learned about 5 new skills....oh, and traveled to at least one place over seas....now it's bedtime. On my way to bed I notice something....there's laundry to do, I haven't left the house since I got home and I couldn't tell you where a pen is if I tried. Wow....really? I could have sworn I accomplished something today. Okay, so maybe I am a little hard on myself. I do try and clean a bit everyday, cook dinner, play with Brooklyn and do something for myself but I guess when your daily accomplishments are bigger in your head than in reality it can leave you feeling a little ..... lazy? Oh, well. I have wanted to blog more and I feel like I am at least doing that. This is Brooklyn's last week of camp and then she will be having surgery next week. I will be working from home for 2 weeks so maybe I can put get refocused. I'm sure the day she has surgery I will be a mess however. I'm so nervous right now that I really try to not even think about it. The doctors have prepared me for her "silly, somewhat scary" demeanour after the surgery and I know how loopy people are from previous experience but I know when it's my little beeb laying there it will be horrible and terrifying.
Well on to something more positive. I do think I am going to be trying a little harder to accomplish some of my other goals. I should write more and I will. I want to take some natural health courses so I've been researching and "trying" to get that in order. I only say trying because my only road block right now is financial. I also want to do some "good for the mind, body and soul" things for myself. Scott and I have both had an interest in acupuncture so hopefully we will be doing that soon. Oh, and a massage. Scott is the world's best when it comes to this as he is ALWAYS willing to give me lengthy massages. However, we both enjoy the atmosphere and calming effect going to a masseuse gives you. Plus, couples massages are always fun. I'm a firm believer in psychology as well. This was my major when I first went to school and my savior through my divorce. I have come to believe in this area of medicine so much and I would really love to sit down with someone and talk about dealing with my fears. I'd like to not worry as much as I do. I've truly never understood the stigma that goes with seeing a therapist. I do think our society is embracing it more now than before however. I do have to say that I'm not as supportive for psychiatry. I still believe in it's goodness I just think that we're an over medicated society and that shouldn't always be the first choice. A world of help can come just from talking and maybe we should all start there. So anyway, hopefully all of my plans will continue to develop into active endeavours. My goal to be a better me each day is in the priority. I have a great family and they make me want to be great. I say that sincerely.

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